I once applied for a Marketing job. They didn’t want a cover letter. They didn’t want references. They wanted an answer to a single question:
How do you get away from ordinary?
I laughed. Because, well, I guess you could say that I’ve always had a slightly long-distance relationship with ordinary. Even though, growing up, that was all I ever wanted to be. Ordinary.
See, I grew up in a village lost in the shimmering emerald hills of Elgin County called Belmont – a town so small that even Tim Hortons hasn’t heard of us. There wasn’t a whole lot of ways for a bunch of restless Millennials in the 90s to kill time, but we made do. Road Hockey. Field Hockey. Floor Hockey. Foot Hockey. Table Hockey. Pond Hockey. Ice Hockey. Did I mention hockey?
I never played hockey. Or any other sport, for that matter. I was kind of an enigma among my Belmont brethren. Too slim to be an athlete. Too dumb to be an academic. The only thing I truly excelled at was social anxiety.
Other kids started calling me Waldo because of my seamless ability to melt into my surroundings, a feat rivalled only by chameleons and The Predator. I did win a lot of games of hide-and-go-seek, however. I think some people might still be looking for me.
Once, in the eighth grade, my science teacher asked the class who they thought had perfect attendance (it must have been a slow day).
“Michael,” everyone said.
The teacher thumbed through his records. As it turned out, I did not, in fact, have perfect attendance. He smiled at me, explaining that, because I was so quiet, people must just assume that I’m always there, even when I’m not.
Great, I thought. So now I’m furniture.
I was by no means an unhappy child. But I remember spending a lot of those early years desperately wishing I could be ordinary. Although, I had these other, stranger needs that I couldn’t quite explain.
No matter what I did, I’ve always had this unshakable, deep-seated urge to add value to people’s lives and entertain them. It just so happened that I was terrified of all but a select few. Still, I managed, here and there. At my sixth grade graduation, I was awarded: “Most Likely to Make His Teacher Laugh at Jokes No One Else Hears.”
So, if I was going to be scared silent, I found other ways to reach people. In elementary school, I drew comics. Such classics include the “Attack of the 50 Foot Bully” and “Ninjas Fighting in a Tornado.” Later on, I started writing short stories.
And eventually, novels.
And now, here we are. Almost 30, with two more-or-less completed manuscripts under my belt, a slightly offbeat song in my heart, and a pot of black coffee staining my insides.
I figure that now is as good a time as any to double down on my dreams. After all, I’m not getting any younger.
So anyways, to answer that original question, I guess it’s never really been that hard for me to get away from ordinary.
We’ve never exactly been on speaking terms.
Fun Facts About Michael:
- Has worked as a Line Cook, Telefundraiser, Drive-In Attendant, and just about everything in between
- Doesn’t believe in zodiac signs (but is a proud Libra)
- Doesn’t believe in Myers-Briggs (but is a proud INTJ)
- Hates weddings (but loves speaking at them)
- Continues to contribute to esteemed local publications, such as Windsor Life Magazine and WEtech Alliance
- Correspondent on Vintage Cinema Rewind, a podcast that brings old movies to new audiences
- Once called 911 on himself trying to reach Xbox Support
- Frequently, consistently, unapologetically has no idea what he’s doing